his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
