Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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