I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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