So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
