She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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