In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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