drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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