My first STD was from a foam party
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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