I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
