Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
