well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
