I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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