My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
