Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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