I think I won the penis lottery.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
