holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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