um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
