Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
