I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
