but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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