I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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