Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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