I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want to make out with him forever
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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