your room smells of hookers.
And success
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
