The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
