Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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