I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
