In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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