my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
