i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
