I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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