I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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