My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
