Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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