pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
