I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
