Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
