how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
