I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
