Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize