so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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