There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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