It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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