I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
