He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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