his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize