Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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