Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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