YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
