On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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