u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm always down for nudity.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
