it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
