Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
