i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
