feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
