I have demons in me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize