I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
