she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
