Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
