guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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