I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
