the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
