I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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