i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
