Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
