its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
