i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
