i would punch a child for taco bell
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
