Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
