oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
