He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
