I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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