Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
